Anniversary

Today is the anniversary

Of the first day

Of the last month

Of your life

I sit and listen to the rain

Dashing sorrowfully against the window and wonder

Would I have done things differently

Had I known?
I think back to holding your hand

Brushing away remaining wisps of hair

Of never leaving without saying

I love you

And I know I did my best

I turned the leaf over,

I washed the slate clean

And you let me

No words lingered above us unsaid

But still I struggle–

There has been so much more to say since

I’ve yet to figure out how

It’s much easier to get lost in the loss

So hard, somehow to find you again

And I rage at the injustice

I still long for the flesh

For the voice

For you—

In a chair across from me

Your eyebrows raised, your crooked grin

You—

Bobbing your head full of curls to your song

Just a glimpse of you—

A small figure hugging yourself

In an ocean breeze

I tantrum like a child

I let my red balloon leave my grasp

But I want it back

In moments of calm

I look around at the wide expanse of earth and sky

And feel you

A soft caress against my cheek

That says, “Silly, I’ve been right here all this time”

I lie on the grass and bust clouds

And there you are, in Lotus position

Breaking meditation to burst into the belly laugh of our girlhood

I smile and let this flood me

Warmer than sun

The truth is I know

There is no difference

Between your space

And my time

They live infinitely on

As does my love

And respect

And gratefulness

For you

I don’t want to be sorry for me anymore

Today I celebrate you

My sweet girl

Whose life

Goes on

For all the days I’ve yet to see

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